Starry Nights

Sins closed the door of his room quietly, making sure the latch didn’t make any sound as he bolted it shut. He loved privacy, since it meant he could be naked while he worked on his laptop. The nature of work was a force of habit. A habit he had sustained now, for ten long years. Sometimes, Sins wondered how his life would be if visual stimulation of the flesh wasn’t available so conveniently and so freely. He realized he was hooked. Maybe forever. He didn’t like being affirmed by his own mind that he was. Not one bit, it grossed him out in a way. He liked to think of himself as an intellect, imbibed with a good physicality, which he maintained via a rigorous physical regimen everyday. He worked diligently, enjoying his work and socializing as and when required with his colleagues and friends.

His memories wandered all the way back to, when he was thirteen years old. He couldn’t understand how he had stumbled across the website. He had googled some incriminating words, words which would have made his mother cringe, at least at the beginning, while his dad would have probably smirked. He couldn’t attribute the fundamental reason to anything. Why? What had caused him to type those words on google? What was his frame of mind? Inflamed by a picture in the newspaper Likely. Movies? Yes, that was it. Archie’s! Yes, it was the Archies comics collection. How he had loved watching Betty and Veronica strutting around in their bikinis, embalming his young impressionable mind with desires and smiles. In order of inflammation, it was the Archies first, movies second and the newspapers third. And a grand culmination through google, the holy grail of youngsters eager to mine their wildest fantasies, and wade through the world-wide web. Bless the two billion lines of code, acting as the gateway.

Sins didn’t feel in control. He had tried to stop the habit, but even after a hiatus, he relapsed horribly, spewing thrice or more a day, feasting his eyes on the delights played out in front of him, inside the screen. It was so…addictive. Sins was no stranger to addiction. In college, he had many, including the one he was trying to rid off now. College was an education in intoxication for Sins. He hopped on from one high to the next, and more, more and more. Day after day, week after week, for four years. He had been overjoyed to come back home. The first three months after his graduation, were the most purest days of his life in four years, from an alcohol’s, cigarette’s and marijuana’s point of view. He felt the same. His screen habit remained. His companion, determined to seek him out wherever he went, always together with him no matter what frame of mind he was or would be in, just a couple of search boxes away.

Sins’ girlfriend, Starr had got him to stop. For three days. He had relapsed. She was furious. He couldn’t lie to her. He had told her, that he had relapsed. She suggested psychiatry. Sins refused flatly, outraged with the suggestion. She had taken his smart phone, and given him an old Nokia. Sins felt frustrated, unable to concentrate, restless and uncomfortable with the sensation of feeling disconnected. Starr spent long hours into the night talking to him, about them, the future, about how he would win this battle, and regain back control of his mind. Sins felt lucky, and touched to have Starr with him. The love was magical, it was a month since he had kicked the habit. He felt full, whole once again. He felt high being sober.

Starr was the star of his life.

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