The process of writing has actively shaped our evolution since the last 5000 years. When we think about events and happenings (we always want to know – what is going on?) on a daily, minute-by-minute level (thank you instant news and media), it is easy to loose track of how months, years, decades and centuries look like. Thinking long has its benefits, yet thinking micro has its benefits too. All the dopamine produced by our minds and actions; they don’t last. Rather, we continue to grow and harvest more of them; the question is simply about understanding and positioning ourselves for the future of humanity.
6 months ago, when I wrote about emotions making life better, I did not understand the exact nature of my numbness. Today, I am happy to say that I do. The way I’m coming to understand myself is like this. Emotional detachment (especially since childhood) has its costs, which one does not realize immediately. For instance, being emotionally detached does conserve a lot of energy and mind space away from mindless drama or unnecessary communication. However, it also sucks away the feelings associated with achievement and empathy. Therefore, in my case, numbness was leading to feeling a lack of self-achievement; equating pleasure with emotion and reckless escapism from the world towards isolation. It was eating away at my soul for no reason, as I desperately sought to feel emotion. Yet, I kept harbouring a sense of social anxiety, that I think is due to substance use more than anything else. Yes, I equated substance use with emotion, when the fact said I was simply using it as a mask to hide my numbness, although it was visible to everyone.
What is the right way to live? Is this question even valid? I find myself more aware and mature now, yet I lack a clear cut plan to handle my emotional numbness. How can I take the best of it, and yet, find a way to feel? Recently, I’ve taken courses in art appreciation and Shakespeare and the world. The human element of drama does make me feel emotion. Time to time, I feel the years of emotional suppression that wells forth within me, unable to find form and be articulated. Its like a volcano that can erupt under the right duress or trigger. Meditation does help me focus and be calm, but focus and calmness is not my issue. I’ve them by the dozen. My issue is my mind and body acting in sync to trick me into believing that pleasure is equated to emotion. For years, I’ve played along this neuronal circuit, which now needs to be left unused. What is the new neuronal circuit I can build?
I think the answer is community.
Today, the world is under a state of transition. There are three broad societal level trends that are taking place as we think. First, we’re changing the energy base of human civilization from fossil fuels to renewable and clean energy sources. Second, we’re shifting our production technology from industrial to biological. And third, we’re shifting to the next iteration of internet and communications technology, broadly known as web3, the internet of value and contractual agreements. I believe these three shifts should provide me with enough cause and purpose to dedicate my life to. I am going to build a community with its own native token and governance mechanism. We’re on the cusp of reimagining the world, and nothing makes me more happier than to serve others; and feel the pipe of emotion I have always sought. Let’s go.
Marijuana Maharaj 